


With you by my side, there's still hope

by donnawanderedoff



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Abby and Marcus dealing with the COL aftermath, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Pain, Physical Pain, Romance, treatment of wounds
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-10
Updated: 2016-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 19:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7451566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/donnawanderedoff/pseuds/donnawanderedoff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Abby and Marcus deal with the aftermath of COL and the guilt they carry with them. They try to be there for each other the best the can.</p>
            </blockquote>





	With you by my side, there's still hope

**Author's Note:**

> I can't believe I have finally finished this. I started writing this story more than a month ago but nothing I wrote seemed right. Then yesterday during my flight inspiration struck et voila, here we are. While this is definitely more angst filled than I usually write, well at least kabby wise, it still has a 'happy' ending (No, not one of those. Get your minds out of the gutter you guys!). I just can't write 100% angst, besides those two have been through more than enough so I prefer to write more carefree stories for them. But after seeing the finale I did want to write something about how Marcus and Abby would deal with everything that had happened, especially their actions under the control of ALIE. Knowing those two, they would definitely blame themselves for the pain the other endured. I hope I did them justice.

Marcus remembers falling in love with Polis the first time he saw the city. The buildings, the people and the general atmosphere, it was intoxicating and nothing like he could have ever imagined. Looking down at the ruins of the city now, at the despair and sorrow that seems to seep into every corner and occupy the place, he only feels sadness. When his gaze settles on an empty cross, bile rises in his throat and he has to turn his head to avoid getting sick. Behind him, people were either reconnecting with loved ones or mourning their losses. After getting back from the City of Light and realising what he had done, what he _almost_ did, he had felt paralysed. He couldn’t move, couldn’t think, only stare at his hands in shock until _she_ had put her hand on his shoulder, kneeling in front of him.

 _Abby,_ his hope, his love, the woman he had left behind and failed to protect _again._ Yet, as he had gazed into her eyes he saw no judgement, no anger or disgust. Only quiet understanding, worry and love, _so much love._ As she had moved to hug him, he had latched onto her as if she was his lifeline, which in some way she was. He didn’t know how long they had clutched each other, trying to comfort the other and reassure themselves. All Marcus knew that so long as he had _her_ , everything would be okay and he never wanted to let go. Unfortunately, Abby broke away eventually when her assistance was needed. After reassuring her that he’d be fine, which was a lie and they both knew it, she had kissed his cheek and whispered, “I’ll be back as soon as possible”, before getting up and assisting Jackson who was tending to the injured. Sitting in the middle of the room, Marcus soon had become overwhelmed by the noise and he had felt the walls closing in on him. Needing air and some moments to collect himself, he had risen acutely aware that several pairs of eyes settled on him but ignored them.

Which is how he ended up on the balcony, his trembling hands resting the edge, his gaze fixed on the bandages around his wrists. Flashes of being put on the cross, of begging Abby to wake up and pain, unbearable pain come back to him, at which he squeezes his eyes shut and takes a shuddering breath. Hearing someone shuffling through the plastic that hangs from the window, he tenses for a second before realising that there’s only one person who would disturb him. _Some things never change,_ he reckons. Marcus decides to open his eyes but doesn’t lift his head instead, he observes her from his peripheral vision. Abby takes her place beside him and places her right hand next to his left. He acknowledges her presence by gently shifting his hand and putting his fingers on top hers, effortlessly intertwining them. At his touch, she relaxes almost unnoticeable, but he notices. After spending some minutes in a comfortable silence, he can hear her taking a deep breath before uttering, “Those wounds need to get cleaned”.

He tenses and tries to pull his hand away, but she firmly tightens her grip. “Please, Marcus. Let me do this” and he can hear the pain and guilt lacing her voice. The latter angers him because she has _nothing_ to feel guilty of. If he hadn’t left her behind, if he had insisted on her coming along, if –

“Stop it”, Abby admonishes him in a terse voice, cutting through his inner monologue. “I _know_ you Marcus and I know in which direction your thoughts are going. Don’t, _please._ Just don’t. None of this was your fault. You know that I would have never left all those people behind even if you had insisted. Besides, if anyone is to blame, it’s me, not you. I should have known something was wrong with Jaha and his _keys._ I should have taken action when I realised he had forgotten his son but I didn’t. I should have tried harder to stop him”, she finishes softly, sounding resigned. At that Marcus lifts his head and turns his body towards her.

“Now, you’re the one who needs to stop Abby”, he says, fully realising that he’s raising his voice but not caring, he needs her to _understand._ “You couldn’t have possibly known about Jaha or how dangerous he was. Nobody did. So stop blaming yourself, _please_ ”, his eyes pleading with hers. After a few seconds of gazing at each other, Abby averts her eyes with a humourless chuckle.

“Look at the state of us. Not that long ago we couldn’t even be in the same room without arguing. We didn’t agree on anything and blamed each other for everything. Now we place the blame with ourselves and not the other. We’re quite the pair, aren’t we?”, she states, gazing at the city.

With a chuckle of his own Marcus looks out in front of him as well and murmurs, “Yes, we certainly are.”

“Don’t think that I’ve forgotten Marcus. Those wounds still need to get checked”, Abby utters. Knowing that she won’t relent until he agrees, he sighs and nods.

“Alright, but it doesn’t have to be you, Abby. You don’t need to punish yourself by doing this. I can ask Jackson or Clarke.”

Shaking her head Abby softly replies “Yes, it does. Please, Marcus, let me. I should be the one. I know that you don’t agree, but I still feel responsible. So please, for my sake, let me do this for you”. Understanding her need to make sure he’s okay, Marcus nods his head and he feels his heart break when Abby lets out a relieved sigh. As if she was afraid that he’d reject her help, or most importantly reject

Understanding her need to make sure he’s okay, Marcus nods his head and he feels his heart break when Abby lets out a relieved sigh. As if she was afraid that he’d reject her help, or most importantly reject _her._ Needing to reassure her that he would _never_ do such a thing, that she means e _verything_ to him, he cups her cheek and leans in. Stopping mere inches from her face, he scans her eyes to see if she’s comfortable with this development and wants it as well. She gives him a small smile and with one of his own, Marcus tenderly touches her lips with his. The kiss is gentle, almost _tentative,_ the memory of their last kiss is still freshly engraved in their minds but it takes his breath away. He can feel Abby pouring all of her love in the kiss and even though a part of him still thinks that he doesn’t deserve someone like her, he vows to do whatever it takes to make sure that she’s safe in the future.

When oxygen becomes a necessity, they break away but stay in each other’s personal space. Abby’s smiling and tears have formed in her eyes, but Marcus can tell that they aren’t sad ones. Looking at her, at her bruised face, her tousled and tangled hair, the bruises on her throat on which he can’t focus, because if he does, he’ll surely break, he has the urge to tell her how he feels. Recent events have shown once more how fragile life is and he doesn’t want to wait anymore. Marcus needs her to know what she means to him.

“I love you”, he whispers.

Abby’s eyes widen by his admission, but so does her smile. “I love you too”

Now that the truth is in the open, both feel as if a weight is lifted from their chests. It’s replaced by a feeling of tentative contentment. They are nowhere near okay, both are still reeling from COL but they know that they’re not alone. _We’re in this together_ , a statement Marcus uttered some time ago comes to the front of their minds.  

“Mom?”

They turn their heads towards the sound as Clarke appears through the plastic. Not wanting to overstep any boundaries Marcus moves to take a step back, but Abby grips his arms. Seeing this, a knowing smile appears on Clarke’s face. “Marcus, I’m glad you’re okay”, she says, not looking perpetuated by his closeness to her mother in the slightest.

He acknowledges her statement with a small nod, “Thank _you_ for making sure of it”.

At that, she gives him a strained but still sincere smile before focuses on her mother. “Since everyone’s still recovering and or injured and it’s getting dark, perhaps it would be best if we stayed the night and leave for Arkadia first thing tomorrow.”

Abby hums in agreement, “We all need and deserve some rest. Are there rooms in which we can rest or?”

“Yeah. Indra’s seeing to that”, Clarke replies.

At the mention of Indra’s name, Marcus flinches which is something that doesn’t go unnoticed by both Griffin women. Abby squeezes his arm in silent support and Clarke gives him a look filled with understanding before opening her mouth. “The rooms are limited, however, so people will have to share”, she ends with a particular glint in her eyes.

The implication of the statement isn’t lost on Marcus and he can feel a blush creeping up, but when he glances over at Abby, she appears calm and completely unfazed. “Well, I’m sure Marcus doesn’t mind sharing”, she casually remarks while catching his eyes. He opens his mouth to reply but no words come out.

“No, I don’t think he does”, Clarke agrees with a laugh. “Your room is the second one on the right”, she adds before leaving, but not before giving Marcus a little wink.

Abby thanks her daughter and refocuses on him. “Shall we?” Still not managing to speak, Marcus simply nods, which elicits a laugh from Abby and she places a quick kiss on his lips before taking his hand and guiding him towards their room. He knows that they pass people, only momentarily stopping for her to grab her medical bag, but all of his attention is zeroed in on Abby, on the feel of her hand in his. It’s only when she lets go of his hand that he realises that they’re in a room. _Their room,_ he wonders bewildered.

“Would you like to take a shower before I take a look at your wrists?”,  she asks.

Marcus suddenly feels tired, as if his body has finally caught up with everything that has happened. Every muscle in his body hurts and even though he just wants to crawl into the bed that he sees to his right and wrap his body around Abby’s, he can feel the sweat, dirt and dried blood on his body.

“Yeah, I’d like that”, he murmurs.

Nodding Abby moves towards the area of the room that serves as a bathroom and turns the shower on, before facing him again and extending her hand. Closing the gap between them and Marcus grasps it. She gives it a quick squeeze before helping him out of his jacket and draping it across a nearby chair. Giving him a soft smile, she utters “I’ll give you some privacy” and begins to leave, only to halt when Marcus stops her.

“Join me?”, he hesitantly whispers, feeling vulnerable.

Her eyes soften and she gives him a nod at which he lets out a relieved breath. They undress and get into the shower. There’s nothing sexual about it, they’re too tired for anything but it is intimate all the same. Both are content to be able to do this together, to share the same space, to _feel._ They take turns in washing each other and carefully avoid cuts and bruises. Soft exclamations of _I love you_ , _we’re going to be alright_ , _I’m sorry,_ fill the room and mingle with the steam rising from the shower. Afterwards, they dry themselves and put on the clothes left for them on the bed.

Taking a seat on the bed, Marcus watches how Abby grabs her bag and moves to stand before him. Kneeling down, she gently and carefully unwraps his bandages. Her breath hitches when his wounds are revealed, they don’t look as bad as he thought they would, but she still freezes.

“Abby?”, he frowns, worry lacing his voice.

When she glances up, she has tears in her eyes. “I’m so sorry Marcus. So, _so_ sorry.”

“Hey”, he murmurs, giving her a small smile “What did I tell you earlier? This isn’t your fault, nor do I blame you in the slightest. I love you, Abby.” With a shaky smile, she returns her attention to his wrists.

“This might sting a bit”, she murmurs before applying some rubbing alcohol.

Marcus hisses at the sting but reassures her that he’ll be fine when Abby apologises again. Controlling his breath, he closes his eyes. After a few minutes, he can feel her bandaging his wrists before whispering “All done.”

He opens his eyes and murmurs a thank you. She merely offers him a small smile in response and she stands to put her bag away.

“Wait”, he exclaims, halting Abby as she faces him with a puzzled look on her face. “The bruising on your throat needs to get treated as well”

Her entire body tenses at that. It’s the first time that he has openly acknowledged them. “It’s fine Marcus”, she states, dismissing his concern.

“No, it isn’t Abby. I saw you flinching in the shower whenever the water touched them. I’ve let you help me, please let me do the same”, he pleads. She must hear the desperation in his voice because she takes a step towards the bed and sits down beside him, turning her body so that she’s facing him. Grateful for her silent acceptance, he takes the bag from her hand and places it behind them on the bed. He rummages through it and takes out some rubbing alcohol and ointment. Pushing her hair off her shoulders and onto her back, Marcus quickly and efficiently cleans the wounds before proceeding to gently apply the ointment. Throughout the process, Abby flinches in pain, even though she tries to hide it and his heart breaks all over again. How he wishes he could have protected her. Not wanting to go down the path of self-wallowing again, he focuses on his task once more. When he utters a whispered _all done_ Abby gives him a grateful smile. Standing up Marcus puts the bag on a nearby table before walking past her and pulling back the covers. He slips between  them, settles on his back and opens his arms in invitation. Abby swiftly closes the distance between them and settles against him. She puts her head on his chest as he moves his hand up and down her arm.

“Goodnight Abby”, he whispers, placing a loving kiss on the top of her head.

“Night Marcus,” she replies, the sound of her heartbeat calming her down.

Soon sleep claims them both, their exhausted bodies succumb to the need for rest. The road ahead won’t be easy, but they will be alright. Their hope was still _alive._

**Author's Note:**

> Comments/kudos are much appreciated


End file.
